me: i’m staying out of the drama
also me: guess fucking what
u know when u really like someone and literally every little thing they do is cute and no matter what face they make they always look perfect to you
this is fucking me up so bad
Aging is really effected by stress, stress caused by things like hiding that you’re the zodiac killer for example
what is my perfect crime? i break into tiffany’s at midnight. do i go for the vault? no, i go for the chandelier. it’s priceless. as i’m taking it down, a woman catches me. she tells me to stop. it’s her father’s business. she’s tiffany. i say no. we make love all night. in the morning, the cops come and i escape in one of their uniforms. i tell her to meet me in mexico, but i go to canada. i don’t trust her. besides, i like the cold. thirty years later, i get a postcard. i have a son and he’s the chief of police. this is where the story gets interesting. i tell tiffany to meet me in paris by the trocadero. she’s been waiting for me all these years. she’s never taken another lover. i don’t care. i don’t show up. i go to berlin. that’s where i stashed the chandelier.
i hope donkey kong walks into my house and smashes a barrel over my head killing me instantly
